Bella Roll Over
by X-Edward-hasnt-met-me-yet-X
Summary: Okay so this is just a bit of a laught that myself and 'imadoodlenoodle' have come up with in our spare time-which we have way too much of! So Bellas going through all the pregnancy stages. With cotton wool and Jaspers mood swings! please r&r.
1. Preface

Disclaimer: All has excalated from the amazing mind power of Stephenie Meyer; without her genius idea to create the twilight saga we wouldn't have been able to do this...

AN: Okay so 'imadoodlenoodle' and i (X-edward-hasnt-met-me-yet-X) have had so many free lessons that we have just lost track of what to do with ourselves, so what do we do? Write a fanfic of course!! This is a really random idea that started out as a small joke between us and now it has just gotten way out of contral...so enjoy and review please...3...

Bella Role Over

**By, 'X-Edward-hasn't-met-me-yet-X' and 'imadoodlenoodle'**

Preface

**Bella's Point of view**

Edward was just getting ready to leave on his extremely rare hunting trip—ever since we'd found out he's been leaving me less and less; you can really see him struggling now. I was perched on the edge of the newly obtained soft-get-lost-in couch watching the also newly obtained DVD collection of 'You and Your Baby' that Edward has enforced upon me. Esme was running about the lounge, dining area and kitchen faffing around so that I had food ready for when ever I wanted it. I told her that I was quite capable of making it my self and the only response I got was:

"I know darling, but this is on orders of Edward and you know how he gets. Sorry."

Before she sped off to fiddle some more.

It wasn't long before Edward was at my side apologising for having to leave me. I just told him it didn't matter, that it was necessary and couldn't be avoided. He had arranged for Emmet and Jasper to stay behind and 'look after me' more like baby-sit me—oh my what was I in for? These two were constantly playing around and acting like children themselves.

Edward gave me a light kiss on my cold, dry lips—accidentally popping one of the air bubbles and jumping a mile at the touch of cotton wool—before leaving with Esme, Carlisle, Alice and Rosalie. It wasn't long before Jasper and Emmet made their first appearance.

"So Bella, time to get up; time to eat." Jasper ordered excitedly; too excited just for helping me prepare food in my opinion.

"Jasper, I'm not hungry. I'll eat later." I didn't tare my eyes away from the disturbing birthing scene that was now on the screen; it was too gruesome to even dare look away.

"The baby is! And besides, strict orders from Edward." Emmet stepped in to take the upper hand. The part about my baby being hungry persuaded me; I wanted to do everything right.

I started to get up—struggling as always. Emmet and Jasper grabbed an arm each to try to help. I was nearly steady when my heal caught the edge of the sofa and I started to tumble backwards. Emmet went to catch me but something else must have attracted his attention because his arms failed to come anywhere near reaching distance of me. Consequently I landed flat on my ass—with a round of laughter from Jasper and Emmet to congratulate me.

"Great idea Bells! Don't know why I didn't think of it before?!" Emmet exclaimed

"Well Emmet let's be honest, it is you and your mind doesn't really stray from the subject of Rosalie, sex, or fighting does it?" Jasper sarcastically commented.

"Halo three, of course!! Anyway what's on my mind doesn't matter right now, well it does, but it doesn't. The bit that matters is getting Bella into the kitchen…quickly and safely. Don't want to upset our dear Eddie now do we?"

I just lay there waiting for them to stop their irrelevant banter and to pick me up. Neither came very fast, unlike the rolling towards the kitchen door.

"Com'on Jasper join in this is hilarious!"

"Just let me get the camera Em, Alice will love this."

We reached the kitchen in under a second. Emmet pulled my back up level in between bursts of laughter.

"Emmet, what the hell was that? What did you do that for? What in the world made you think that was safer than me walking myself into the kitchen?"

"Bella you're wrapped in god knows how many layers of cotton wool and bubble wrap; you really think we would have done that if there was the slightest chance of Edward murdering us. It's okay; you're one big fat ball of bounciness!! Anyway you would have been too slow by foot. Before you were slow but now it's like a human watching paint dry."

How the hell could Emmet be overjoyed at the fact that I'm big and fat? Hold on I'm big and fat! I knew my speed against theirs would be considered slow but I didn't realise they had a problem with it. I was slow and they hated me for it. I was slow, big and fat and they all hated me because of it. I couldn't stop the tears welling up in my eyes and spilling over.

"I am so slow! Will Edward leave me? Is he going to leave because I'm so slow?! My baby is going to be faster than me and he and Edward are going to run away and leave me! And I'm fat. I'm a fat cotton wool whale. I can't see my ankles and I'm so hot. I'm sweating so much and I hate cotton wool. I'm a fat sweaty smelly cotton wool whale and everyone is going to leave me!" The tears speed up and just burst out everywhere as I came to this conclusion.

Jasper joined in the crying and couldn't pull himself together anymore than I could at this point. Emmet was the only stable one left and that's saying something.

"Please stop crying Bella; you know he blames us if you cry! Please stop crying!"

"Why are you yelling at me? Do you think I'm fat as well? Jasper call Edward and tell him Emmett said I was fat"

"I will when I can stop crying for Pete sake! This is ridiculous! I'm fat and ugly and everyone wants to leave me!" Jasper joined in my argument against my physique in between his own sobs.

"Look Bella, we're in kitchen, come on we have to feed you"

"So I can be fatter?! Why do you hate me Emmett, why? I thought you were my friend"

Emmet also started to cry whilst pleading me to eat.

"Bella, please eat. Just a little something. Emmet was now just as bad as myself and Jasper—who had relocated to the darkest corner of the kitchen and started rocking himself back and forth. "Oh my God, Bella please eat, I don't want Edward to hate me; Rosalie would hate me too then. Oh no, do you think Rosalie thinks I'm fat? Rosalie's going to leave me then Edward's going to murder me…all's I wanted to do was to get you to eat as I've been asked to do."

Emmet started to run out of the kitchen—human speed—I was starting to feel guilty for making him cry, I'd never seen Emmet cry.

"Emmet, Emmet I'm sorry I'll eat, I promise I'll eat. What do you want me to eat?!"


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Though myself and 'imadoodlenoodle' dream and try to convince the world that we do in fact own Twilight and its characters, it has come to our attention that we are infact wrong...Stephenie Meyer does...:(

AN: Okay so firstly we have something to clear up...the tears...well that being the preface you wont actually find out untill later in the story how the Cullens came to be able to cry. So if you wish to find out keep reading. Oh and please review otherwise we shall send an emotion Bella after you with an even more emotional Jasper trailing behind-though that may sound good, two 'pregnant' emotional people are not that fun to be around! So read and review...;)

Chapter 1

That's two months in a row now, that I've missed. Something's not right; I'm usually always on time. It was then that it hit me, the one night two and half months prior to this coming Friday—Edward's planned romantic evening that got a little _hotter_ than planned. Remembering this, I grabbed my coat and car keys off the peg by the front door at Charlie's house and rushed in the direction of the nearest pharmacy.

It wasn't until I got to the door to the pharmacy that I remembered that this was Forks—everybody knew everybody's business—and I couldn't go in. Momentarily distracted by the vibrating alert in my left back pocket, I picked up my cell to recognise Alice's number calling. Of course she knew. I answered knowing that if I didn't she would tell Edward and it would be one big, dramatic situation that I'd rather avoid.

Alls I got was one loud squeal in my ear.

"Alice, calm down. I need your help."

"I know Bella, I know. Great news isn't it! I'm going to be an aunt! Wait 'till Edward finds out, he's going to be over the moon! Wait, where are you?" Her urgency and excitement had calmed to a serious authority.

"I'm outside the Pharmacy. Alice can you come get me please, I need you right now." I was almost in tears so my tone must have seemed like a plead because the only response I got was 'don't move, I'll be there in a matter of seconds!' and the dial tone.

And that was all she took—a matter of seconds—she was soon by my side. She had run; obviously knowing that I had my truck and it would be a bit suspicious if it was left there all day. She didn't say anything, just wrapped her arms around me and let my wet sobs soak the shoulder of her blouse.

After I had recovered from my initial shock state, we took my truck beck home, wrote a note for Charlie and headed back to the Cullen's; vampire style. We didn't stop—only Rosalie, Jasper and Esme were home—we just picked up Alice's car and headed into Seattle.

After we found out for sure—all three tests turned positive—Alice took me for a but of retail therapy. We shopped for clothes and shoes and hair products and accessories and much more; in the end I lost track, we had so many bags. Alice promised not to tell Edward—in any form of letting him know—as well as trying to stay away from him the best she can, and keeping her excitement to a minimum—she also swore not to let anyone else know.

I had no clue as to how I was going to tell Edward; did he want this? Would he be pleased? Would he run away? I told myself that I was just being silly, of course he wouldn't run away, he'd be pleased as long as I was pleased and to have the opportunity to start a family—real family of his own—he would be overjoyed.

I voiced my concerns to Alice and reassured me that everything was going to be okay. She said she'd help me get everybody out of the house tonight so that I could sit Edward down at tell him properly. This sounded better, if not scarier, than just blurting it out before running into Charlie or something. Holy Gamoly, what's Charlie going to say? He's going to flip his lid! How the hell do I manage to get myself into these situations—well I know how I got into this one, I didn't flunk biology, but the primary outcome: people's thoughts.

When we arrived back at the Cullen's, Edward still wasn't back from his little hunting trip with Emmet so Alice and I planned how we were going to clear the house tonight. I called Carlisle and he was already taking Esme out for the night—meal then hotel—Rosalie and Emmet were the real problem. Jasper would just follow Alice so that was okay, but I was out of ideas for Rose and Em; he'd just been hunting so that was out and the shops would be closed so that's out too.

Ah! Yes. I had it!

"Alice?" She turned to me; her wide, over-the-moon grin was still intact, if anything it has grown. "Have you planned what you and Jasper are doing tonight?"

"No, why? Did you have something in mind?"

"Well, I was just thinking that you and Jasper could go and paint the town red, whilst dragging—I use the term loosely—Rose and Em along with you."

If it were possible her smile grew a further inch towards her eyes.

"Great idea Bells. Nice." And with that she skipped off to get ready and tell the others. Leaving me time to prepare. Unfortunately he didn't eat so I couldn't soften him up with food.

Edward and Emmet arrived home around quarter to seven. As soon as Emmet was through the door Rosalie dragged him up the first set of stairs in order to get him ready. Edward greeted me before leading me to the couch. Esme and Carlisle had already left so it was just Alice's lot that I had to wait for. The waiting made me anxious and Edward could tell that I was worrying over something though he didn't pressure me into telling him; he just tightened his grip around me and kept lightly kissing different parts of my face every now and again.

Everybody said goodbye—Emmet tried to convince us to join them but I just said that I wasn't feeling well and Edward automatically would stay with me—and Alice came gave me hug, subtly touching my stomach before whispering in my ear so low that even Edward couldn't hear us:

"It's going to be fine. Edward really will be ecstatic." Raising her voice a little, "Have fun and I'll see you tomorrow; we have major things to do. Love you both." before skipping out the door to join the rest.

Edward was really starting to worry so when he next asked if I was okay I started to explain my day.

"It was really strange, I woke up feeling not quite myself, initially I just thought it's just that time of the month, you know?" Oh god, I was discussing my monthly with my boyfriend. My face flushed five different shades of red. This was more embarrassing than I thought it would be. He nodded so I continued. "Well it turned out that it wasn't. This is the second month I've missed." I paused waiting for it to click together in his head—it didn't. I sighed before continuing slowly while analysing his face for any signs of recognition. "So I went to the pharmacy." Again nothing; I really was going to have to spell it out for him. "Edward the tests were positive." I watched as his eyes lit up, then fade and a hint of something faced through his eyes- what was it? Then I realised it was something like betrayal. I didn't understand that bit. "What's wrong?"

"It can't be mine." That was all he said before getting up and walking towards the kitchen. He thought I had cheated on him. I would never cheat on him. I don't have a clue how this happened but still he has to know that I would never cheat on him.

"Edward, it is definitely yours. If I'm sure of anything it is that. Please believe me." I pretty much begged the last part.

"I'm dead Bella! How in the world am I supposed to be able to create life? Find me an explanation for that then I will consider the possibility of me being a father." He was starting to get angry but behind that and in his eyes I could see the pain that was lurking from what he thought was my betrayal.

"I have no idea how this has happened but it has. You know deep down that this baby is yours—I saw it in your eyes as soon as I told you. You were jubilant. Your instincts told you that it was your son or daughter that I am carrying but you being you put your mind before that and come to the quickest conclusion possible. I don't know what has happened or how this is possible but as soon as you accept this we can tell the others and ask Carlisle if he has any ideas. Please Edward."

He listened to all that I said and took it on board. I was right and he knew it! He knew that I would never cheat on him and he knew this baby was his; as soon as he admitted it the sooner we could get on with our evening. I watched him as he cautiously stepped around the kitchen thinking through every word, every syllable, every emotion thoroughly. I looked a way, turning to walk back to the lounge—giving him time to adjust. And accept.

Next thing I knew I was being jostled in a pair of arms; Edward's arms. "I am going to be a dad! O my god Bella, I love you so so so so much! Of course I loved you before—so much that I didn't think I could love you anymore—but now; you've given me everything I have ever wanted and I can't begin to explain how I feel."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my head in his chest. I was going to be a mom. Me! And Carlisle and Esme would be overjoyed at the prospect of grandparenthood. Alice would be planning the nursery already as we speak. Emmet would love another plaything. Uncle Emmet! Rosalie would…Rosalie would hate me. The thought of Rosalie overshadowed all other emotions of joy and happiness. First I was walking into fire, now I was sitting down and rolling in it.

Edward didn't notice any of the cruel emotions that flickered across my face while I thought about everyone's reactions; he just picked me up into his arms and carried me back into the lounge. Turning on the DVD player, he picked out our favorite movie before coming back to cuddle up to me. I didn't even get half way through the story before I fell asleep with my head in the perfect spot upon Edward's chest.

I woke up the next morning in Edward's bed. That was the first morning I woke to the sensation of my stomach turning and my body heaving.


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Of the long list of possessions that are under mine and imadoodlenoodle's name we were sadened to realize that Twilight, Edward, Jasper and Emmet were not there. The rest of the Cullens were missing too and that added to the disappointment, though nothings more defeating than realizing that those boys are not yours...

A/N: Oies, so...yeah. WEll as this story gets more into where it's going, we needed a little research...so break today, imadoodlenoodle and myslef go to find our Biology lecturer...we ask her a few vague question-ones that we just don't have the time to look up online because we're too busy writing--and i now think it's safe to say that my lecturer thinks i'm pregnant- X-edward-hasnt-met-me-yet-X expect a visit from the family laison officer next week...the point of that was putting my reputation in the dirt so that we could entertain you lovely people, so now i've done that for you, the least you could do is review...pretty please...

Chapter 2

After my sixth run to the bathroom I decided that I would just stay there permanently until it passed. It wasn't long before Edward came to find where I was—curled up on the bathroom floor, exhausted with a throat as raw as if it had been polished with sandpaper.

When he saw me he couldn't help but to let a small chuckle leave his lips.

"Bella love, what are you doing?" I didn't have the energy to sit up or even look into his eyes so I just mumbled into the floor.

"Lying on the bathroom floor." Even to me my voice was weak and pathetic.

"What's wrong? Why are you on the floor? What can I do?" That's all I needed Edward panicking.

"Edward, its only morning sickness; I think. I can't stop throwing up, my throat is inflamed, and I feel like I've been heaving my guts up all morning. Please just let me lay here." Talking really wasn't helping either of my dilemmas—sickness and throat. I just wanted to lay here on the cool bathroom floor- to recover from the last bout of sickness.

"Honey, you can't lay here all day."

"Look Edward, I've been running back and forth all morning, I'm sick and tired of it so I am just going to stay here and wait. If you have a problem with it then by all means take my place!" If I could have collapsed I would have; that took the last of my remaining energy out of me. He sat down next to me before pulling me onto his lap and rocking me back and forth while humming my lullaby rather rigidly.

"Bella, baby, please tell me what I can do to help. Do you want a drink? Some food? Alice? Shopping? Clothes? Carlisle? Medicine? Uh, how about Charlie? Do you want Charlie? I'll go get Charlie right this moment!"

"No I don't flaming want Charlie!!" I tried to shout at him coming out more of a stifled screech.

Edward shivered and went visibly paler—which is extremely pale for a vampire so something must really be scaring him. "Charlie" Was all he said and from that one word I understood fully what he was thinking. Charlie was going to murder us both—well Edward, to me he'd probably lock me up for life and not let me see Edward again.

We sat in silence for about an hour before Edward finally spoke and when he did his perfect velvet voice was quivering.

"We'll have to move, tell him we're going to college—like we said we'd do for your change." His eyes made him look like he was in a trance; staring, unblinkingly straight ahead.

I didn't get a chance to respond though if I did I don't think I would have known what to say; I knew eventually I'd have to leave Charlie and I was okay with that, but right now I'm not so sure, maybe he'd like to be a granddad. When I looked back up at Edward I saw Esme walking towards us with her hands over her ears.

"Esme what's wrong?" Edward asked; I would have asked but once again my stomach was reaching and my head was hanging over the toilet. I heard her mummer to Edward if I was alright before answering his question.

"Can't you hear it? It's louder up here actually. It's like a thrumming sound. It's driving me crazy; I can't think straight. Why can't you hear it?" Esme's speak speeded up as she got more and more panicked.

"What do you mean?" Edward paused and listened. A strange look came across his face and then it dawned on him. He looked at me and knew it was coming from my direction. It was then that it clicked for me and him both. The recognition that broadened across his face brought a smile to my face—he could hear our baby. It took me a further two minutes to realize that if he could hear it, Esme could hear it then everyone else could hear it—that is everyone but me can hear it. Tears started to well up in my eyes—everyone but me would be able to hear my baby! That is so unfair! Stupid Human hearing! Esme and Edward looked to me to see why I was crying, I told them that I hated being human.

"It's not fair, why do you lot get to hear it and I don't? It's mine for Christ sakes, I want to hear it! It's just not fair!" I screamed before turning my head back over the toilet, letting tears and vomit fall into the basin. We would have to tell everyone and we had to tell them soon—they were going to think I was crazy at this rate otherwise.

"Edward can you hear it or not? It's driving me insane here! Please tell me I'm not the only one who can hear it." Esme's breathing was worsening as she got more agitated. I saw a calculating look in Edward's eye; he was trying to think of an excuse without letting on what it actually was.

"Its okay, Esme, my alarm clocks broken and it's making that funny sound. I've tried to fix it but it's just not budging. I'll get rid of it this week." She seemed to accept that. That only gave us this week to tell them.

"Edward? We don't sleep. Why do you need an alarm clock? Hang on, when _did _you get an alarm clock?"

"Uh, well with Bella sleeping over often and with me being away sometimes I thought it would be a good idea to umm get her an alarm clock?"

"Oh, okay dear." Esme then came and sat with me; put a hand on my shoulder—supporting me as I heaved again.

"Bella, darling, have you eating something funny? How are you feeling? Is it passing?" Esme really had no clue; it was great.

"I'll be fine. I don't know what it is, but I think its passing now; don't think I've got much more to bring up." This time when I heaved nothing came up, so I was definitely over the worst of it. Esme decided to stay with me so that Edward could go and get me a drink and call Charlie to tell him that I would be staying here again because I was ill and they didn't want to move me.

When Edward came back Esme went back downstairs because the 'thrumming' sound was really loud upstairs and she couldn't stand it any longer; little did she know that she would have to put up with it for a further seven months. Now that the nausea had worn off more I was able to hold a proper conversation so—to Edward's delight—we talked about how we were going to tell everyone, the heartbeat situation, and of course our future.

I was glad that he had finally come to terms with this baby was his and that however it has happened it is obviously possible. It wasn't until that evening that we were getting ready to go and tell everyone the good news that he brought up the previous conversation. It must still be nagging in the back of his mind because he's thinking about asking Carlisle later tonight if he has any idea how it has happened. It would be nice to understand how it has happened but I don't feel the need like he does to know; I'm just happy that it has happened.

That was another thing that I couldn't believe: happiness' joy. How is it that when Edward wanted marriage I couldn't even stand to think about it but now that I'm having his child I feel warm and fuzzy and feel like nothing else matters? I wanted this. I didn't think that I would mind not having a family of my own as long as I got to spend the rest of time with Edward, but now that I have got that little touch on my own child, I'm not sure whether I would have been able to cope forever without it.

Probably would have because I wouldn't have known what it was like, but then again I may have ended up like Rosalie; hating my change and the guilty despise toward those who still have that opportunity. Maybe, maybe not. I would never know what would have been; like many other situations, but I wasn't going to spend my time worrying over what could have been either. A strange and unpredicted opportunity for happiness had arisen and I was going to snatch it with both hands while I could.

Edward and I sat at the top of the 'family meeting' table, with Carlisle at the opposing end. I stood up looked in Alice's direction—she was pretty much bouncing out of her seat and I hadn't even told them yet—she gave me a wink so I went ahead and started.

"Hey everyone, sorry to disturb your evenings. Edward and I have something very important and exciting to tell you all. WE have no idea how, but I'm…"


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: imadoodlenoodle, did you get that contract signed like i asked you to?

X-Edward-hasnt-met-me-yet-X, I'm affraid i couldn't. She didn't fall for the stupid autograph signing like they all do. She's far too smart-she wrote Twilight didn't she? Well I'm sorry but it looks like Ms. Meyer still owns it all...

A/N: Well I'm sorry I didn't manage to update during the daytime, things got a git rushed. Imadoodlenoodle didn't have access to typing facilities and i had a major friend crisis-needed major cheering up so i went and dyed her hair, tinted her eyebrows and eyelashes, painted her nails and did her makeup. That did the job, then i got home, did my bit as a Beta, then tyoed up this chapter...so here we have it...please review...remember as Bella gets further into her pregnancy she will get more emotional and she is still willing to come and hunt you down for not reviewing... :P

Chapter 3

"I'm…we're…" I couldn't put it into words. What were they're reactions going to be? Thankfully Edward chirped in.

"What Bella's trying to say is that…um…she's pregnant. We're having a baby." As soon as the words were out, Rosalie pushed her chair back and stormed out—human speed for dramatic effect I presumed. Every one of the Cullens was sat on their chairs, stunned into silence, staring at me (with the exception of Alice; who was now at my side bouncing and waiting for me to hug her).

"Um…we don't know how this has happened. But I know that this baby is Edward's. That I am one thousand percent sure; more than that; I don't have one ounce of doubt in me." I gave Alice her hug then turned to the others for their response. Esme looked excited; Carlisle stunned; Jasper worried, and Emmett looked some what confused—what was there to be confused about? I'm sure Emmett of all people was on 'the know how' of getting pregnant. Edward soon picked up on Emmett's confusion; whether it was the look on our faces or something in his mind I wasn't quite sure.

"No Emmett, it is not some trick to tell you that we are getting a dog. Why the hell would we want a dog there's a dozen of them a couple miles away? Bella's pregnant Em, you know happens with humans—" Emmett cut me off sounding rather bored at first.

"Yes Eddie, I understand the birds and the bees. I took that class as well remember?" I turned to Edward; Emmett's comment had seemed like a hint. I looked up at Edward's face and saw him avoiding me.

"Edward? What is it? What happened?" Still he turned away. What had happened?  
What did Emmett do? "Edward! What happened? Tell me." Could I pull off puppy  
dog eyes? Might as well try.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Damn, I guess that doesn't work. "Edward tell me what happened! Your probably making it sound worse than it was."

"You weren't there."

"So tell me." I turned to Alice. She would tell me.

"Alice what—" I didn't finish my sentence Alice had burst out laughing and was  
nearly rolling around on the floor.

"I'm...I'm sorry, but oh so... funny!"

Edward pulled me around so I was facing him and only him.

"I was the sixties alright? Everyone was happy and sex was talked about every  
minute. I had a Drugs, Sex and Relationship class with everyone. And well  
earlier that day I had—"

"Glued Unionist propaganda all over my room! As a joke?!" Jasper yelled at  
Edward. What? Then I remembered Jasper was a confederate soldier.

"All over! You glued it to the ceiling, the mirrors and my. You glued it to  
my...my CONFEDERATE BATTLE FLAG!" I gazed up at Edward. He had done that? He gazed back at my sheepishly.

"I only did it because—"

"I don't care. Carry on with what we were saying. You were in the same class..."

"The teacher was called Mrs. Jenkins, it was a special class on well sexual  
positions and—h"

"You had classes on positions?!" What the hell, and now everyone's complaining about the rates of teenage pregnancy—not that I'm exactly one to talk, stood here telling my would-be-in-laws that I was an eighteen year old human pregnant with their one hundred and ten year old vampire son's baby.

"It was the 60s Bella. Anyway she was talking about them and pointing to the  
images on the poster when she…she—"

"Asked for a volunteer!" Emmett jumped up, his glee undisguised.

"Someone had sent major lust waves her way and she…she…She was 62 years old!  
She called me up! 62!" This last bit was aimed at Jasper. Cruel, cruel, funny  
Jasper. "I couldn't say no! The images!" Edward visibly shook.

"She had me sit on the desk and then she…she sat on top of me and she…she  
started rocking back and forth and telling the class how the male would  
especially like this and then, she…she started BOUNCING on me!" Everyone was  
cracking up even Carlisle and Esme.

Edward stopped talking and just looked down, clearly distressed. So Emmett  
decided to finish the tale. "Eddie pushed her off him, she fell to the floor  
and he ran out the door. He came straight home and packed. We moved the week  
after but Edward never went back into the school. He wouldn't talk to anyone  
for three days, showered 40 times a day and burned Jaspers confederate flag!"

Edward looked at me and I tried, I really did try not to laugh but it was  
funny. He shot a hurt look at me and went to sit down on the sofa furthest  
from me.

"Anyway, I understand how you got Bella pregnant and that's it!" I exchanged  
a confused look with Edward. Neither of us knew what Emmett was talking  
about.

"EDDIE ISN'T A VIRGIN ANYMORE!" he screamed before chanting at the top of his lungs "Like a virgin! Touched for the very first time! Like a vir-er-gin when your heart beats next to mine!" Emmett then commenced to sing the chorus over and over again. I think he had recited it 16 times before Edward managed to make him stop by stuffing a cushion down his throat.

"Bella is pregnant okay? Carlisle can I…we talk to you? Alice we'll discuss  
the nursery later, no we won't name it Prada, and Emmett start thinking of  
something else or I'll tell Rosalie who broke her muffler on her BMW." With  
that he pulled me into his arms and we ran off to Carlisle study, Carlisle  
close behind.

I wasn't really paying as much attention as I should have to what Carlisle was saying about his theories—there were a few, and they were very similar so it all seemed like one being retold. Firstly he suggested that because I was human and my reproductive system was still completely alive and 'kicking', I was eligible to conceive a child as would any warm-blooded, young woman. And where the venom that was passing through Edward's body instead of blood, it was also keeping his 'little ones' swimming healthily. There for alls needed for Edward to conceive is a live female reproductive part to work in unison with his and create a life.

The other thing he said was:

'Well, to be honest you two, I have no clue as to how this has happened! Edward you're dead so this shouldn't be possible, however it has happened therefore must be. So the only other explanation I can comprehend with is that you Edward are a misfit of a vampire and put with a perfectly fertile human female, you managed to conceive.'

Myself, I preferred the first theory. Edward wasn't best pleased with the second either; it also didn't help with the matter, that as soon as Carlisle said the word 'misfit' Emmett and Jasper come running in looking to stir up trouble. They even decided to have a shot at figuring out how this happened themselves.

"It's Esme. We all know that being kind isn't a power. She's just been hiding it from us. Her real power is to wish things true. She wanted Edward and Bella to have the closest to a normal human life together and to have a child together and it came true." Emmett's contribution was far from what had actually happened and we all knew it, if Esme could really will things true then she could have saved us from a million and one situations that we have all found ourselves in over the past three years. Jasper on the other hand was just ridiculous—these were supposed to be vampires of ages averaging around a hundred, who have been to high-school and college more times than we care to remember and they are coming up with such ludicrous theories.

"It's all down to the hunting trip we took the other month. That's it Edward, sorted, no more need for panic. That mountain lion of yours sure was pissed when you dragged it away from its Mrs. Must have been mating season or something and you after sucking out all its blood, sucked out all its fertileness as well. It's okay it's still your baby, it just may have some frisky lion bits about him/her"

The image placed in my mind of Edward draining a mountain lion made me want to heave—I'd heard enough anyway—so I ran for the door, in hopes of finding some safe, sane, sanctuary in this house. I decided that I would cool off in the kitchen; maybe find myself a drink of good old OJ, and a lil' snack to tide me over. I opened the fridge door, got out the juice turned to the counter only to be scarred half to death by Esme who was sat silently on the counter top, staring into space. Unfortunately the orange juice was now occupying a large area of the floor and the front of my blouse, instead of glass or stomach. Dam, I really fancied orange juice as well!

"I'll clean it up, lovely. It's okay." Came a subdued and distant voice from the little motherly body that had made my heart bound in fear for two split seconds.


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Hey, guess what we met Harry Potter!! Yes and now-after the excess amounts of poyljuice potion-I (X-Edward-hasnt-met-me-yet-X) am in fact Stephenie Meyer. I tried to get the actual Stephenie Meyer to play dead and sign the documents over to us, but alas she over came us and i am now sat in a black corner of a strange home with a random old woman stroking my hair, while i hide from the FBI!! _Sarah (imadoodlenoodle) is now sat next to me looking at me like i need to be in the looney bin, exclaiming 'WTF!!'_**

**AN: Hey! This be me, (imadoodlenoodle/ Sarah)! X-Edward-hasn't-met-me-yet-X, (I know her as Tash) is behind, me tied to a chair. She deserves it, we were at the park you see and she hurt me. So did her boyfriend (Gay Eric Yorkie: the chess geek) and our other friend (we'll call her Bob the math lover). You see in the park there is a mobile type thingy (you'll find out about it later) and Bob and Eric were sat on it and swinging around and bashed into me. I can now not lift my right arm. See? Can't lift it… 15 years olds playing in the park. It was fun (Tash said awesome). So Tash is tied to a chair receiving the punishment for everyone, taking one for the team! That sounded bad- it ISNT SEXUAL! Much… Anyway Tash wants me to finish now and get on with the torture (masochist), so adieu and farewell people. Oh and review otherwise I'll come round with a pregnant Bella and tie you to a chair and allow Bella to talk about cheesecake at you for hours.**

**P.s. We are starting up a blog because we're bored so feel free to come check us out (go to my page for the web address)-.sanelystrange. It will include stuffs and tings and real life twilight, Dr who and hiding from cameras…**

Chapter 4

"Sorry Esme, I didn't see you there. It can clean it up, I made the mess." I looked around for a dishcloth to start moping up the spillages, only to notice that Esme had already nearly finished.

"Thank Esme, for clearing up my mess I mean. How are you?" She'd been really quite quiet since we'd told everybody but I didn't want to offend her by saying anything.

"I'm so pleased for you and Edward…" She paused for a moment—reminiscing maybe? "Sorry Bella, it was a bit of a shock and it's kind of brought back some distant feelings. Were you excited when you found out? Did you feel a warm rush run through your body? Sorry you probably won't want to answer those. Don't worry I understand." She stood again with her eyes on the floor—I hadn't given much though to how this would affect Esme. I knew that Rosalie wouldn't be too happy, Emmett would be Emmett, Alice would be thrilled, Jasper cautious and Carlisle joyous yet confused. This had to have some affect on her. I remembered about Esme and the circumstance behind her own change. Rosalie may not be happy, but Esme had lost her baby. Out of all of them it was likely to be hardest on her, seeing me walk around with the baby, feed it, play with it. Maybe, I don't know we could join a mother and grandmother group. I needed Esme, she knew about pregnancy, births, and babies. She would be the one out of all the Cullens whose advice would be based on real experiences.

We continued to talk and as we talked more and more into different feelings that I had gone through all ready, she seemed to get more excited. Eventually, we ended up in much of a conversation that Alice would have enjoyed; baby clothes and names. For a lot of the time Esme looked to be on the verge of tears—if possible—but I couldn't tell whether it was from joy or painful memories. This just made me want to reach out, hold her, and make sure she knew that everything was going to be okay. Then I thought 'don't be so bloody stupid Bella, off course this is going to hurt her a bit but then again she's happy and she'd be thrilled to have that chance as a grandmother!'

One point when she looked to be in closest to her past I decided to turn the subject onto that note.

"So, 'grandma Esme' what do you think of that? You look like you could feature on 'Youngest Grandmothers'. People know you as around, what, thirty? And you're going to be grandma. Wow, what are people going to think of me?" It did its purpose, Esme laughed.

"Ah Bella, that's one name I never dreamed of being called, and it surprises me how much it thrills me to hear it now. Who cares what other people think if we are happy, right? We have always been a family unit and you and your soon-to-be-little-one just makes it a bigger more secure and loving one."

"Esme, I'm really scared about all of this." She was the first person that I had confessed to. My mom was never going to accept it—I don't think she would have really accepted it if I hadn't freaked out and had married Edward that day—so Esme was the closed I had now. I've always seen her as a motherly figure but this just brings us even closer. Esme crossed the room to me and held me to her shoulder where I let all my tears of fear run out.

She held me silently for about ten minutes before I pulled away, accused myself of being silly and asked her if she had anything planned for the rest of the day. I was shocked when she said yes—well disappointed really—but she soon followed up with 'I'm taking you out for the day, first stop Starbucks.'

Carlisle had decided to do the same with Edward when Esme and I went to inform them. Edward and I said our little goodbyes; I know that I am going to see him in a matter of hours but every time I say goodbye, I still can't shake the anxiety that starts to build and the little empty spot that forms in my heart.

**(Sarah speaking) WE LOVE YOU! Well, we like all of you but we uber love strangerthanyou. You are fantastisch and we thank you for the reviews. Oh and you can't have Tash (X-Edward-hasnt-met-me-yet-X) in America on your own, we're all coming pulls out a list of twenty names Brainwave! We are all going to America together, that includes you and you and you over there wearing the red T-shirt, we're all going! Tash says hi!! Reviews welcome people!!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: No I am not stephenie meyer, no stephenie meyer is not god...although she did create the famous world of twilight and edward cullen...**

**A/N: Yh i know, don't bite my head off i know this is a tad bit late, but well yh, i kind of got caught up in being a drama groupie and neglected my writing...really sorry...please don't hate me...i've already been punished by my co-worker Sarah. 50 lashes across the backs off me knee i did deserve...well im pretty sure that you're not reading this for my author's notes so on will the show...drum roll please...**

Chapter 5

We yelled a goodbye to everyone as we left the house. Esme led me to the garage and jumped in Carlisle's Merc. I climbed in after her, sliding on the leather.

"Won't Carlisle mind us taking his car?"

"Yes, he was planning on taking this car with Edward, but this car has the biggest boot."

"We're going shopping? Esme it's a nice idea but, well I don't really want to get anything until later on, you know just in case." I didn't want to think about it but this wasn't exactly a normal baby. Oh god, I'm having an abnormal baby.

"No I know what you mean Bella. Don't worry; we aren't going to let anything happen to you. No, I know how you don't like clothes shopping, especially with Alice, so I thought I would come with you instead. Knowing Alice, you'd be dragged around and she'd have you trying on maternity lingerie."

"Thanks Esme. Alice is going to be furious when we get back!"

"I'll take care of Alice; anyway she gets to design the nursery. We'll go to Seattle. It isn't the closest but I'm guessing you don't want anyone to find out yet."

"Do you mind if I have a nap while we drive? I'm really tired; I didn't get much sleep because of the throwing up."

"Go ahead dear" Esme reached over a pressed a button on the side of my seat and the back started to lie down.

"Wow, this is exciting! I didn't know seats could do this!"

"Calm down Bella, go to sleep. You've two hours" Esme smiled one last time, then turned away from me and concentrated on the road. I closed my eyes and lay back, resting my head on my balled up jacket. I was just getting comfortable when my phone vibrated in my back pocket. I reached around but fell short, so I tried with my other arm. No use. Curse my too short arms. Sitting up I could reach it. I glanced at the display, expecting Edward to be calling but it wasn't him, it was my worst enemy at the moment—Alice.

"How could you?!" Alice screamed down the phone, luckily I had been expecting it so I had held the phone away, Esme with her super hearing though heard it easily and loudly, she visibly cringed.

"Alice, do not yell down the phone, you can be heard while speaking normally." Esme did not raise her voice but Alice still heard her.

"Why Esme? Why did you do this to me? I was going to take Bella shopping tomorrow, and you Bella? Did you ask her to? Why didn't you ask me? Are my shopping skills not good enough for you anymore?" Alice actually sound really distressed and upset, I hadn't known that going shopping without her would have affected her so much.

"I'm sorry Alice, I love your shopping skills, and you know I love—it's interesting to go shopping with you."

"So why have you gone with Esme?!"

"Well, we were umm… Look Alice we were going to Starbucks and we went past the shop so we just went in for a look-"

"Don't you dare lie to me Isabella Marie Swan! I can see the future remember? Esme just decided to pull in to get gas" Esme shot me an apologetic look. "You're still driving. Bella, you lied to me! Me? Alice, your bestest, funniest, cutest-"

"Alice—"

"You'll regret this Swan, I'll have my revenge. You've messed with the wrong Cullen! Mwahaha Mwahaha—" I cut her off. Alice doing an evil laugh? The annoyingly happy pixie, doing evil? She meant business, I was now worried but comforted by the fact that I was pregnant so that meant the 'revenge' wouldn't be so bad. Probably an emotional rather than a physical punishment. Maybe she would burn my favorite sweats, to Alice that would be a major punishment. I needed to save the worry for later, right know I had to concentrate on having a good time—I would just add that little feeling to the nagging sensation in my chest that had Edward's name on it.

Seeing as Esme mentioned Starbucks we decided to stop there first. Of course Esme didn't eat anything but before she ordered she asked me what I liked and ordered two of everything that I wanted. This didn't look suspicious at all due to there being two of us; if it had looked any different I would have screamed at the amount of food she was pushing at me. Esme picked up the tray and maneuvered it and I upstairs into the lounge area; there she headed straight to a corner table.

"Esme, I- well the thing is, I- don't and well you have so-"

"I've had a baby and know what's going to happen." She finished my sentence for me, without the difficulty I was having.

"Well, yes. Look if it's too hard to talk about, I can find someone else." I was really uncomfortable; it wasn't like this in my head. Why did I even bring it up? I'm so stupid. Why?

"Bella, look at me," She raised my head until I was facing her, "My baby died a long time ago and you never do get over it but, it does get better. At first I couldn't bare to look at children but I realized that I had to get over it. I couldn't live my life like that. I want to be there for you and Edward and the little baby. I'm going to help you and I want you to be comfortable enough to come and talk to me about it. Any questions you have and I will try to answer them." What do I say to that? She had just summed up everything I had wanted to say. So I did what any other pregnant, hormonal teenaged girl would do. I cried.

Esme gathered me up in her arms, and held me there until I finished crying. She didn't even cringe away from the double heartbeat as she had before. So from there we discussed the natural curiosities that any first time mom would have. She told me that my cravings would get worse and the morning sickness could last throughout the whole pregnancy, but more than likely just a couple of months.

But after about an hour of pregnancy talk and blueberry muffins with signature hot chocolate, we decided to go and look around the shops. If Alice had decided to turn up, she would have been here by now—I thought that whilst I was here with Esme I was safe. It was okay looking in baby shops with Esme as she looked young enough to be a new mother herself; so nobody would point the finger at me and say 'look at her getting knocked up before she's even out of high school'—just what I couldn't be doing with. Some of the clothes were just so cute that I wished I had 350 just to by a little pair of really cute, new borne booties. Alice would have forced me to get them then I would have felt guilty but Esme didn't buy them for me because I asked her not to. Esme really was going to be my main support in all of this.

Edward's point of view:

_So it is my baby…but…oh my god I'm going to be a dad!!_ I couldn't eliminate this constant train of thought from my constantly over worked mind. I turned to look up at Carlisle when I heard his thoughts:

'_Edward, thank you so much. I never thought I'd have the opportunity to be a father let alone a grandfather. This means a lot to me. Don't doubt it, it's really happening.'_

I noticed that we were in my Volvo with him at the wheel. Firstly, why my car? Secondly, where are we going? I asked Carlisle and he just replied that the girls had stolen the Merc and that where ever we were going I didn't need to know at this precise moment in time.

After that we seemed to drive for hours, without the need for chat except the occasion comment or question that Carlisle couldn't help but think. Soon we arrived at a car retailer store. The moment we pulled up onto the forecourt I knew exactly what he was thinking and exactly how Bella would react. This constituted a gift; a gift costs money and she didn't like me spending money on her. I was up for the idea and it seemed he thought it was a good one too.

As we looked around all of the new sparkling, specially polished vehicles Carlisle gave me a lecture on making sure that Bella is extra safe now that she was pregnant, because she may have an even higher tendency to fall over or be death prone. This worried me so I put more concentration into finding a suitable, stable—maybe even bulletproof—car.

The man that was dealing with the documents with me, tried to sale me a sports car and I was about to sign on the dotted line until Carlisle comes back and reminds me that we need to fit a baby seat in and the fact that we are trying to make Bella safe not crash in a tiny sports car due to the fear of placing a scratch upon its perfect paintwork…so I carried on searching…and searching.

Safe, slow, car searching was boring. In the end I just let Carlisle chose which he felt best. After all he knew more about the elements of safety than I did. Though when I saw the car he had picked I knew straight away that before I would even let Bella know that I had bought her a new car, I'd let Rosalie set her hands loose on it.

Long conversations with Carlisle made me realize just how much more I'm going to need to look after my Bella. The thought didn't bother me, just made me lose thought of everything else; she and the baby was my number one priority and I needed to keep them as safe as possible no matter what it took. Oh no, Emmett! He's going to be a problem…

After we purchased the car, Carlisle drove the Volvo and I drove Bella's new car—A Mercedes-Benz ML 63 AMG. I got an off roader for Carlisle said the extra suspension could help if Bella has a little bump, she would be more secure. So off we drove home, talking through the hands free—still about protecting Bella ( I was starting to get the feeling that this car would be pointless because there wasn't a chance in hell of me letting her out of the house)—and enjoying our father son day.

When we arrived home, we parked the new Merc in the Garage and hid it under a couple of sheets. Nobody else was in so we took up space in the lounge. Soon we got onto the topic of new responsibilities like diaper changing, which soon led to our conversation of what to expect. We were just done on the horrors of childbirth when Emmett ran through the door, still singing 'Like a virgin' about ten notes out of tune. I turned back to Carlisle, my face still frozen in the position it had been when he told me about all of instruments that can be used and the crying and the blood and the…the...pain that Bella would appear to be in. What have I done to her?

It then wasn't long before we were joined by a ranting Alice, horrified Jasper, a hyper Emmett and a somber looking Rosalie. Alice was murdering something about getting revenge on Bella for not inviting her shopping—something like torching all of her favorite clothes, buying her bright fluffy maternity ones, and painting the nursery to match all of the big clocks in Alice and Wonderland (including the floating cat eyes). I must warn Bella. For the time being I gave Alice a I-know-what-you-intend-on-doing-so-don't glare and her thoughts immediately turned to her singing the alphabet backwards to the tune of 'Linkin Park- Numb'—she meant business.

Esme and Bella arrived home about two hours later and immediately a family meeting was called.

**A/N: Okies so it was a bit of a filler but i felt like writing it and so it was done...I'm off to Italy early hours of Sunday morning so i won't be updating for a week from then...though i will take a note pad a scibble some ideas when i get the chance...and i will try my very best to get another chapter up before Sunday...please review...makes me feel better...**


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Not ours, well the funny is but the characters aren't… :(**

**AN: Okay…well to be honest we haven't updated in a while because of Breaking Dawn. This was supposed to be a joke, you know something we thought would never happen in a million years…and it did. After that I (Tash) kind of lost inspiration for it. Sarah got us started again with the majority of this chapter. We have to thank 'Strangerthanyou' for this chapter as she has helped us write it. We are discussing whether to add her to the team…I think yes…so she is co-writer along side sarah and myself for this story…okay on with the story…but to be honest without reviews we may not continue with this story so please help us whether to keep going or not…**

Chapter 6

(Edward's POV)

I entered the living room with Bella, while Esme left her side to join  
Carlisle. Everyone took their place in the room; we had had so many  
meetings since I met Bella I realized. It was always the same, Alice  
and Jasper would be sat on the main couch; Alice bouncing and Jasper  
would be sat next to her, sending waves of calm in her direction- I  
would hate to image what Alice would be like without him,  
uncontrollable. Rosalie and Emmett would be on the couch furthest away  
from Bella and I, who in turn would be sat in the middle of  
everything, where everyone could see us. Esme would rotate around,  
sitting next to whoever needed her support the most, today she was sat  
next to Rosalie, sandwiching her between herself and Emmett. Carlisle  
was standing, leaning against the fireplace, but a quick look from  
Esme made him stand straight- no one leant on Esme's walls and got  
away with it!

Bella was practically sat in my lap; she had stopped shaking but, well  
still looked shook up- not surprising really. It was at times like  
this when I wished I could read her thoughts. I looked into her face,  
maybe if I concentrated enough? Then it hit me, she looked worried,  
confused and above all scared. Charlie. It was written across her  
face. Charlie—crap! He's gonna kill me, well try to anyway. When  
should we tell him? WHAT should we tell him? Oh yes Charlie I promised  
to look after you daughter and to never hurt her again. No I haven't  
hurt her, I've only gotten her PREGNANT. Think, Bella's graduating in  
two months time and she's about two months gone that means she'll be  
five months gone when she goes to 'university' at the end of the  
summer. She was going to be changed at the end of the summer, that's  
definitely not happening now! She going to stay still and be pregnant.  
We'll just tell Charlie that she's, god we'll…we'll tell him she fat!  
Yes, that's it, Bella got fat. Hang on, what about when it's born? We  
can't go to Charlie and tell him we found it. Charlie look at the  
newborn we found. Newborn. Bella's gonna be changed eventually, she'll  
be a newborn. She…she might want to eat it!

My thoughts got wilder and wilder, I could see everyone was looking at  
me, I guess I was going to start the meeting today.  
I turned to Bella and whispered in her ear, loud enough only for her;  
"you aren't allowed to eat it." I stood up, leaving her on the couch  
with a bewildered expression. I stood next to Carlisle, he would be my  
rock, my light in the dark- no… Carlisle looked towards me, I shrugged  
my shoulders, I didn't know what to say! He took a deep breath,  
realizing that I wasn't going to speak and that he was.  
"Okay everyone, I realize that this is all very shocking to you all  
but for the sake of Edward and Bella, we are going to have to pull  
together. Emmett, for God's sake please stop singing. You've been at  
it for hours. I said stop! Now or you will have to stay in the guest  
room- without Rosalie. Yes I think we all know that Edward has lost  
his virginity, well done Edward. It may please you all to know that he  
is no longer locking all his sexual frustration up inside him and has  
finally released it- I'm sure Jasper will agree that it was about  
time, but that is not something to broadcast to the world or around  
the house. Rosalie, the whole family understands about your pain but  
please try to be reasonable; it's not as if they planned this to get  
back at you personally now is it? I don't think Bella decided that she  
was going to get fatter and fatter for nine months and then pop a baby  
out just to spite you, so try and contain your anger- or hit Emmett.  
Jasper, how are you feeling? Are you coping okay? Not too emotional? I  
can understand if you have to get out more often than usual with all  
of the mixed emotions that are going to be flying here there and  
everywhere in the next couple of months." Jasper nodded but  
accidentally cursed and hissed through Emmett's surge of annoyance,  
Rosalie had decided to punish him right now and for once he wasn't  
enjoying it. Now Alice. There are going to be plenty of opportunities  
for shopping, especially when the baby is nearly here and here, so  
please let this drop. Esme and Bella needed to talk out the way of  
everyone else, and just like you would have done they bonded through  
shopping. If you have so much of a problem, you have the laptop with  
my credit card; you and Bella can sit down and look through some baby  
sites now for an hour. But you are not taking her back out, she's  
knackered can't you see."

We all looked slightly stunned at Carlisle speech. It was not like him  
to say the least. I glanced over at Bella to see how she was taking it  
all and noticed that she was half asleep. I swept her up in my arms,  
she was going straight to bed. I nodded a good bye to everyone and left  
the room, pausing for a moment to ask Alice to tell Charlie about  
Bella. She looked surprised for some reason but agreed, asking if she  
should do it now. I once again nodded and left the room, carefully not  
to hurt my sleeping angel in anyway.

Once I had snuggled her into the bedclothes I slid beside her—making sure there was enough blankets between us to keep her warm—just as I always did to watch my little piece of heaven in her most peaceful state. The sweet scent and warm tingling that rolled off her tongue as her even breathing was the only sound to fill the room (apart from the double heartbeat that just made my face spread into a cheesy smile that I couldn't get rid of), warmed my heart with more love than I ever thought possible. Was it possible that I could love her anymore than right now?

One thing that I found truly amazing about her sleep was her open mind. The one opportunity I had to see what she was thinking and dreaming before she could change it. Night—when I get to listen and watch her sleep—has to be one of my favorite parts of life and parts of every day that I look forward to. So tonight as always I waited patiently for deep sleep to wash over and for her dreams to come alive.

"Edward…" okay that was to be expected. She always whispers my name, yet I can't stop my dead heart for almost skipping a non-beat every time that she does. Her voice is always so soft, warm and filled with unconditional love that I can't help but wish that I wasn't the one always putting her in danger.

"Stop!! I don't want my knickers on my head!" Did I really just hear her correctly? Knickers? I couldn't help but laugh; she does have the strangest of dreams sometimes. "No, Charlie stop it. Charlie don't!" Now this couldn't be good.

A pause…

"EDWARD CHARLIE" I tried to calm her but she was too deep in sleep to hear me…I put a hand lightly to her cheek and she immediately relaxed. Although I was glad she was calm, I was gutted that I had missed the rest of that sentence.

"It's a good thing this potty is bullet proof…you know, I could have had my ass blown off from here to Timbuktu." My laughter was now beyond control. Soon someone was going to come up and try to restrain me…better keep it down, I need to hear the rest of this.

"I think baby…" her face turned sullen as if she were uncomfortable and that she didn't want what ever she was seeing in her dream. "Wow Edward, our baby's bulletproof…" this really was the strangest dream that I've known her have.

"Nice baby…hmm…baby…" did she just lick her lips? What did she say? Oh my god, is she thinking about eating the baby?!


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** Ar Stef ova rued and now oficially owns ar Twilight... (somerset accent)

**AN**: Sorry took so long, we had to keep going through this because Tash can't type she kept putting random words in random sentances. We hope you enjoy our long words that we enjoyed looking up in the dictionary. Sarah: I especially enjoyed beating Tash with the dictionary (not physically, with words you violent thinking people...tut tut)...We aren't anti religious, or of any specific religion, God just suited our needs for this chapter...enjoy. R&R people, R&R...

Chapter 7

(God's POV- God can see all and read minds, so he's the best person to see at this moment)

Alice wandered on over to the kitchen, her pixie step slowed by the confusion she was suffering thanks to Edward's request. She picked up the phone and set about dialling Bella's home number. 'Let's see, there's a 0 and a 4. I remember there being an 8 and a 9, hmm'. Alice was having trouble, after all, having been around for a while she had learnt many phone numbers, now she was having trouble remembering the numbers and what order they went in. She decided to tap in some random numbers, in the hope that she would hit luck. Then paused. Ahh a vision was coming in! She could she herself on the phone, apologizing profusely. Hmm…maybe she wouldn't get it right. Then suddenly a brainwave! 'Oh yeah…after last time Esme got us one of those electronic phonebooks. Alice looked behind the phone and there it was, in all it's black shiny glory. She grabbed that and looked up Bella- which just happened to be under 'Eddies ticket to being virginity-less', Emmett had been let loose again, it seemed.

* * *

'She really is beautiful' Edward's thoughts didn't range a lot these days. Bella was thought to be beautiful no less than 1565 times a day. Even Edward couldn't watched Bella for a whole night and still be enthralled, so he decided to have a look at what the rest of the house was doing. Using his super hearing Edward heard that Carlisle and Esme were discussing the baby, Jasper was- cleanse, tone and moisturizing? Emmett and Rosalie were- eww! No! Bad thoughts! Emmett was now being 'punished', though this time he was enjoying it. A lot. And Alice. Alice was- oh no.

* * *

Alice was a bit worried. She assumed that Edward would want to speak to Charlie. She had dialled the number and was now impatiently waiting for Charlie to pick up. God humans were sloooooooow.

* * *

Edward leapt from the bed, and in his haste tripped over his own feet. 'Eurgh, Bella's clumsiness is rubbing off on me!' STOP WHINING EDWARD 'who are you?!' I AM YOUR FATHER- 'dad?!' YES, IT IS I- GOD 'God is in my head?' GOD IS EVERYWHERE- WHICH REMINDS ME TO REMIND YOU, ALICE. 'Alice? Alice!' GOODBYE EDWARD 'Thanks dad, I mean God.'

* * *

Come on Charlie. Pick up! Noise! Yes, that's the noise of a phone being picked up!

* * *

'Faster Edward, faster!' Edward ran out of his bedroom door and was nearing the stairs.

* * *

"Charlie? Hi, it's Alice. I got to tell you something. About Bella."

* * *

'Why?! Alice is supposed to be clever! Emmett is the stupid one!' Edward happened to say the last bit aloud.

"Hey! I am clever. Just not as clever as some others!" 'Yeah, like amoebas. Alice!

* * *

"Well, I don't know why Edward didn't want to come tell you himself but, well- BellaspregnantandEdwardsthefatherandshe'skeepingit!" Yes! All in one breath! New record for me! Hang on, did Charlie get that?

* * *

"ALICE!! NOOOOO! Too late. God giggled and left the Cullen household. He had to go see Charlie's face. God being God was great!

* * *

Charlie fell to the floor, the phone clanging to the floor. His baby, Bella pregnant? How? Well he knew the answer to that, that Edward boy. He knew he was trouble, he came waltzing in and got his daughter, his only daughter PREGNANT!

Charlie lay on the kitchen floor listening to the multiple theories of how to murder Edward that ran in all directions through his now muddled head. At first he didn't understand when he saw green and all the colors of the rainbow flash in front of his eyes…until he finally settled on the red that grew deeper and deeper as the seconds passed.

Charlie spent the next two hours planning his revenge. Yes, revenge may be best served cold, but Charlie's would be served with a sprinkling of gun powder. Charlie picked up his gun, grabbed his car keys and left the house. His destination? The Cullen household.

* * *

The dark air filled the house, Edward paced a once rested room. With a pair of scissors in hand he contemplated what to do next. With screaming apologies in his head and calming waves hitting him at every angle, his anger continued to build with his fear; he knew Charlie would be on his way, the vein in his head pulsing with the rage he was most likely trying to control. Suddenly the pacing deceased and a new spot was occupied; a single spot in front of a single blue dress. Alice probably knew many words to describe this dress, its blueness, its price, its background, design and significance. Malicious thoughts grew in Edward's head, accompanied by the ever increasing volume of pleading of Alice's thoughts. Jasper's fear grew with his own; they both knew what would happen if Edward's arm were to follow through with his mind's intentions.

Within a second it was over. The dress was in strips, Alice was fiercely ripping at Edward with new found hatred, anger marring her face. Jasper was long gone, Rosalie's smugness reigned over the spectacle that was taking place at her feet. Obviously, such a spectacle was beneath her, with a pointed look at Emmett she left the room, Emmett following dutifully. Edward just stood there, the anger and malicious intent leaving his face, only to be replaced with fear. He feared Alice, he had after all destroyed her favourite dress, but she knew as well that she deserved it; no, his biggest fear was slowly- actually quickly approaching. Charlie. Edward didn't know what to expect from the man. He had never had to deal with a father, whose daughter he had just impregnated. They weren't even married. Edwards old fashioned, gentlemanly side reared its courteous head. They would have to get married! The sooner the better. In fact, if they were married, everything would be better! It was okay to be married and pregnant at eighteen.

Edward left Alice's wardrobe with a new purpose, Alice still clutching his leg. After shaking her off, Edward headed to his private study to arrange the little details.

* * *

If Charlie was on duty he would have given himself a speeding ticket. He was speeding; just a little bit. If he had turned the siren and lights on no-one would be none the wiser, but as much as Charlie was breaking the law now he couldn't bring himself to completely disobey his calling. As it was Charlie was completing a half hour journey in under ten minutes; the things fatherly anger do to you. Tyres squealing, wheels spinning and breaks crying, Charlie's cruiser came careering up the Cullen's driveway - after missing the turning and doing a complete one eighty - landing inches from the bumper of Edward precious Volvo.

"Damn, I missed"_ So close, yet so far. Oh well there is more than one way to skin a cat, more than one way to make Edward bloody Cullen pay!_

Charlie ran up to the door, pausing only to knock on the door. Esme opened it and beckoned him in. From there Charlie followed her into the living room, where the whole family- bar the bastard and his lovely daughter- were gathered.

"Where is he?!" Charlie demanded, his rage knowing no bounds. Carlisle stood up and was about to answer when Edwards voice was heard.

"DAAAADD!! Charlie's gonna kill meeeeee! And I can't even DIE!" This was followed by loud and pounding footsteps, as the once graceful Edward bounded down the stairs. Running immediately into the living room; he took one look, turned around and proceeded to run back up the stairs he had just vacated.

Ignoring the cries of the others Charlie ploughed up the stairs after Edward.

"I'll kill you! My only daughter! You ain't gonna be getting anyone else pregnant!! I promise I will make it hurt, you…you…you grandson of a preacher man!!"

Charlie received numerous incredulous looks from the surrounding Cullen's but he just carried on shouting abuse towards the one Cullen within his reach. Within one blink, Edward was in his room with the door locked and Charlie was only one step ahead of his prior stance. He didn't notice the displacement, his anger was blinding his mind from connecting time and placement. After tumbling along the landing, he finally reached Edward's bedroom door.

"A closed door doesn't scare me you know, I'm exactly apposed to shooting it down. I've done it enough times before, long before your time matey!"

"Wouldn't be before my time, but that's another story. How apposed are you to shooting a door down that has your daughter behind it? You may want to warn Esme if you are…last time, Emmett scratched the wall she punished him so bad that he won't even walk next to a wall anymore."

"Stop avoiding that point Edward. Why don't you get out here and face me like a man. You've been throwing your balls around enough, why don't you put them to place for once and stop hiding behind my daughter."

"I haven't been throwing my balls about! Only once, and that's what caused all this. If I thought this would happen, I would have capped it! Anyway, I'm not hiding behind your daughter! I've got her in my bed!" Realizing what he had said, "no not like that! She was tired, she's been about all day. She's sleeping."

"What on Earth?! Edward, why are you cowering underneath the desk?! Get up, come on get out."

"Bella, you don't understand, I'm scared. He wants to hurt me!" Edward stood- sat his ground- under the desk.

"Edward, you're a vampire! Who or more likely what could possible hurt you?"

"You father" Edward whispered from under the desk. Bella paled.

"Fuck."

"I heard that young lady! Open up or I will blow the lock! Cullen, get your scrawny ass out here, you've been lying to my daughter? Filling her head with your weird ideas? Is that how you got her to along with it?" Charlie was jumping to wilder and crazier ideas.

"Uh Dad, why don't you wait downstairs. We'll be down in a minute." After a silent moment of deliberation Charlie decided.

"Okay honey. I'll be in the living room, with everyone else." Charlie turned away from the door and nearly walked away when;

"Thank God, quick Bella grab a bag and start filling it with everything we'll need for a couple of days, I'll grab some money and we'll leave through the window. We can be in Kansas by tomorrow." Charlie spun around, seeing red. Again. This punk was gonna run off with his daughter? No bloody way. Charlie drew his gun and blew the lock. Kicking the door open he entered the room, gun raised ready to shot Edward if he tried anything.

The Cullen's just watched with interest, Esme already planning on getting Emmett to run out and get a new door.


End file.
